[VIDEO] 005 ☽

[messianic]

[This is a tired Minato on your SFCs today, Vatheon. It's been a few days, but what could he do? Pull people out of their safety to ask them to help him? Distract from the effort to save the city because he has a somewhat selfish request to make?

Of course not. But now that the fish monsters are gone, he has no issues with asking. Because after Aigis' breakdown, this has to happen.

At the very least, he's no longer very sick.

But first--]

I hope everyone is alright. It seems like most of the creatures are gone, but there might still be a few we missed, so be careful. If anyone is in need of any healing, please let me know. I'd like to thank everyone who helped with the Defense Force as well.

[Even if they didn't stop every death, it was a start. He has to believe they can get better from here. ...Ahem.]

If...there's anyone who is good at fixing things, I'd appreciate it if you could let me know. I need some help with something really important.

[For a moment, he looks sad, but then he shakes it off. He's about to shut off the feed from there, when he seems to remember--]

Ah...one more thing. Adachi-san seems to have gone home. At least he wasn't hurt by the monsters.

[...a contemplative shake of his head and he shuts off the feed.

Click!]

Comments

[messianic]

[.....ah right, manners.]

This is very good, N. I didn't realize you're such a good cook.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

I'm still new at it! But it's fun.

[ His smile is very pleased. ]

[messianic]

[...hah. As it should be, right? That's what hobbies are for.]

It's good that you have fun.

[And he means it...but then he falls silent, distracted as he is.]

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ N watches him for a few moments before abruptly asking: ]

What are you thinking about?

[messianic]

[!

It is abrupt, and it's not exactly a question he was expecting, but--]

...Sorry. I'm not being very good company right now, am I?

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

I didn't ask you over because I wanted you to keep me company. I want to keep you company. And help. I just don't know how.

[messianic]

It's not--

[...]

It's nothing really fixable. We just have to wait.

[Until his team is pieced back together again. Until things are right again.]

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ ...

N leans across the table, stroking Minato's hair gently like he was petting Zoroark on the head. ]

Are you not going to be able to feel better until Aigis feels better?

[messianic]

[!

...But he doesn't move, shoulders slumping slightly.]

...I have to take responsibility. I was the one who sent her there.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ ...

Things feel very strange. They have had this conversation before.

Except last time, it was the other way around. ]

Yes. But she chose to go.

[messianic]

[It is. Echoes of a previous conversation and--

It was her choice, but he knows that Aigis would never say no to him. He knows that.]

...She did.

[But it's more complicated than that, isn't it?]

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

...you can't be right all the time.

[ Saying these things seem wrong, because he knows they are lessons he struggles with himself, even now. ]

[messianic]

No. I can't. But every time I'm wrong--

[Shinjiro. Ikutsuki. Mitsuru's father. Ryoji and now Aigis--

...it's a depressing trend.

...mm.]

I'm just glad that she can be fixed.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

People get hurt.

[ N says it calmly. This he understands.

Every Pokemon that has been hurt because of him, every battle lost, how even when they finally wake they have new scars that will forever be his fault... ]

[messianic]

[He's not so sure N does understand. He's not so sure and so he narrows his eyes, though his voice is steady.]

People die, N.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ N meets his eyes. ]

People die for a lot of reasons.

Would the probability of death be greater or lesser for your team if you were not the one giving them orders?

[messianic]

[...ah. He can't ever retain his hold on that sort of firmness anyway--it melds away and he drops his gaze, breathing out.]

I don't know.

Probably...I'm sure I've done fine as a leader. I know I've done my best.

But I honestly don't know the answer to that question.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ N props his chin up on his fists, studying Minato across the table, burrito forgotten. ]

You told me once you thought you were right most of the time.

I think you are. Your team probably does too.

But it's all a matter of probability. You can't be right all the time. So there's always a risk of failure.

I think your margin of error is less than a lot of people's.

[ N is talking fast now, but it's more fluidly than normal. This is something he believes in, and he is trying his best to get it across to Minato. ]

...like when we were fighting together during that curse, and I died. I was depending on you for help. I didn't know how the game worked and you did, so I followed you. I died then. So technically, you failed to protect me like I expected you to.

But... I'd have eventually gone out there myself. I hated being in that thing, and I'd have calmed down enough after a while to go looking for a way to get into some other clothing. I might have even found the same quest.

If I'd gone out there by myself, I'd have been a lot more scared. A lot more lost. And...I probably wouldn't have just died once.

I know death doesn't work like that back home, but what I mean is that the situations aren't really equivalent, you see? Even though the end result is the same. You can't treat it like a logic equation. It's all odds. The odds that I would have died by myself are a lot higher than the odds of me dying while with you.

I think it's the same for your team.

[1/2]

[messianic]

[Blink. Blink. Blink.

Whatever he was expecting, it was not...

Probability...?

Blink.]

[2/2]

[messianic]

[...a quiet sigh. He knows that N is right, and he knows that he is not perfect. He knows also that his team follows him out of their own choice, and he cannot take that away from them. He knows that he has saved them before, just as they have saved him before.

He knows N is right.

But he can't help the quiet sigh that escapes either way.]

...Yes. You're right.

[...]

Sorry. I didn't intend to make this about myself anyway. Aigis is the one that was harmed.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

You're already done everything you could for her, or else you wouldn't of come over here.

[ He knows Minato well enough for that. ]

Which means someone else is working on fixing her, because you can't. Or else you wouldn't have made a video requesting people who are good at fixing things. And you wouldn't have left her with someone you didn't know, so she probably actually has lots of people around concerned about her. That's likely where your team is, right?

[ A beat. ]

And you're here. With me.

So Aigis has lots of concern directed at her while you just have me.

I think that proportion is fair enough that you don't have to feel selfish.

[messianic]

[.........


wow he can't even argue against that. Not that he...intends to. He just thought--

...What is he even thinking right now. He runs a hand through his hair tiredly and nods slowly.]

...Yeah. You've been right about everything so far, N. I guess I...wasn't really thinking it over very well.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ N leans to stroke Minato's hair again. ]

You also told me once you need someone to tell you when you're wrong sometimes. And I've been wrong lots of times while you've been right. It's only natural that eventually the odds would be in my favor, if only for a little while.

[messianic]

[So he...relaxes. Resigned, yes. But also relaxed.

And he finally smiles a little.]

That's true. I can't deny it.

...Thanks.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ N grins brightly to see it. Is it hard to say if he has ever felt this accomplished, and all for a little smile. ]

I'm just doing what I promised.

But you're welcome.