messianic | IC

You don't have to be sorry. I'm glad I can listen, even though I'm sorry too that I don't think I understand very well.

[........And he adds, at the end, and hits send before he can think better of it:]

My experiences with gods and goddesses wasn't really like that at all.

[ … ]

Your experiences?

Then again, it wasn't really their fault. They were just acting on what they believed humanity wanted.

Still, there's something very...absolute about gods. That's a little difficult for me to accept.

[Humanity made some mistakes, and Nyx in response was going to remove all of their wills to live. Maybe it was humanity's fault at base, but that level of response just doesn't seem fair to him. Gods don't understand humanity--at least, not from what he knows.]

Still, things are different across worlds, right? Everyone's experiences are different. That's something I need to try to remember on a topic like this too.

[ dextera has never heard minato speak like this. he’s always been kind and patient and understanding, and he said as much initially—but it feels like there’s some frustration in these words, even if they’re just text on a screen. ]

I think your gods and my God are very different.

I don’t know if we have better or worse experiences, and I’m not sure there’s a clear answer for that anyway.

The God I know can’t help herself. She’s suffering, and we’re suffering in turn. She isn’t punishing us or trying to help us. It’s that she only knows how to hurt.

I can’t begrudge even a god for not understanding.

[... Ha. In this, Minato thinks... Dextera is a much more understanding person. Which is impressive, in its own way. He doesn't know anything about that cult Dex was a part of, but if he applies his own beliefs and feelings to Dextera's experiences, that's not right either.

He knows that.

But even still... it's difficult for him to think of Nyx and her cold, towering impartiality, as Ryoji practically begged them to stop trying to protect themselves for a brief moment longer, and knows that he can't so easily empathize.]

I guess I still have a lot to learn from you on stuff like this, Dextera-san. [And he can't admit to understanding just yet, but... Maybe someday he will.]

It sounds like you care about her a lot, though.

[ the problem with all this is that no matter how confidently he types it, his head is still a mess. there are so many things he doesn’t know and even more that he’s learning he doesn’t understand at all…

dextera is just speaking his feelings in the moment. ]

Yes. I treasure her.

She’s a little bit like my brother. She’s someone I want to be close to. Maybe it’s more selfish than just being pious.

[That's... those are stronger feelings than Minato was even expecting.

Dextera... treasures this god? She's someone he wants to be close to?

(Is that really healthy?)]

Why do you treasure her? That sounds kind of bad--I don't mean it in a bad way. I'm just trying to understand.

[ boy, you don’t know the half of it!

dextera knows he’s messed up and selfish and wrong about a lot of things, but oddly he never feels more comfortable than when he thinks about being with god. he wants to come back to her. ]

The same reason anyone would feel that way about another person.

Is it wrong?

[?

??????

?????

????????]

[what.]

I really can't say what's wrong or right here. It's your own world, like you said, and things are really different.

But do you mean to say you're in love with her?

[Romantic or platonic or something else entirely... any of those, and he's still Concerned.]

[ in love…?

dextera doesn’t know. he loves his brother. he loves guren. they’re two different types of love, but he thinks they’re both “love” all the same.

what he feels for god, though… ]

I don’t know if there’s a way to answer that. It’s not that I don’t want to. If I knew, I would tell you, even if I thought the answer was “wrong.”

I know she’s important to me. She said we used to be one. What comes from that is something even I can’t understand.

I’m sorry.

[...Well. He supposes that that's something--it makes a little more sense to him that Dextera doesn't really know the answer than if Dex was certain about loving this god of his...

... Hm.]

You don't have anything to apologize for. Thank you for explaining it to me. I do think I understand a bit better. [As much as this sort of thing can be understood.]

I guess sometimes we just have relationships like that. Not everything is clear cut.

[In a lot of ways, that's how he feels about Ryoji too--a very similar situation all around, isn't it...? But still complicated in its own way.]

[ dextera takes a moment after that to scroll up and actually look at what he wrote—in the moments after minato’s message, he feels like he’s coming out of some passionate haze.

sometimes he just gets like that, when thinking about his life from home. ]

Haha.

I must have sounded crazy just now, but you’re still being nice to me.

Somehow, it feels like I know you a little better, even though I’m the one who said so much.

[...]

Is that really that strange? We all come from different circumstances, and I couldn't hope to understand all of them.

I didn't think you sounded crazy. Just that you sounded really passionate about something I didn't entirely understand.

But I'd like to. I want to understand everyone as much as I can. I don't really think I'm in any sort of position to judge anyone for...well, anything, really.

[ different circumstances, yes, but it’s starting to sound like they have more in common than it would seem. dextera always suspected minato had been through a lot, but minato is oddly reticent with the specifics.

he’s not trying to punish himself for anything, maybe. ]

I don’t really understand my feelings either, to be honest with you.

I know what I feel in this town. These memories are mine, and these feelings have grown from nothing. It’s harder when I think about home.

I guess that makes sense. You probably still need more time to figure it all out.

It's okay. There's no rush on it right now. Anyway, I feel like I understand you a little better now too. In a good way.

“In a good way.” [ although it may not seem like it, dextera is smiling when he types that. ] I’m more curious about you than ever before, truthfully.

[... He didn't mean that to sound like it did either, oops.]

Oops... I didn't mean for that.

[That doesn't sound quite right, actually... TRYING AGAIN.]

I mean, I didn't think there was that much to be curious about.

[...THAT SOUNDS EVEN WORSE?

Wow he's so bad at this!!]

... Never mind. Those messages sounded bad, that's not what I meant either.

[ oh… minato. ]

I think this is where I would type “lol.”

All I meant is that I rarely get to hear your opinions like I did with this. Maybe we don’t agree, but I’ve learned something about you, anyway.

[He's...doing his best.

Maybe.]

I see... I guess it is a topic I do feel pretty strongly about, even if I feel the same way. [They may not agree, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.]

Thanks for listening to my thoughts too, either way.

My feelings haven’t changed, at least.

Let’s talk again soon.

Of course. I'll talk to you later, Dextera-san.

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