messianic | IC

[ dextera can’t know all that his words have given minato, and he would probably feel embarrassed if he did—like he’s still not worth enough, to have that kind of effect on someone. hearing “thank you” is more than he could have asked for.

it feels like so many of their conversations turn this way, but is that a bad thing? he doesn’t think so. ]

“Hope” is something I’m still learning. People like you have taught it to me.

I think the thing to say here… would be a prayer to grow together. One day, I hope that you’ll be able to tell me more about who you are.

[ it hasn’t escaped his notice, after all, that minato is reticent with words about himself. ]

[...Aha. Well. He supposes it's only to be expected that eventually, this sort of thing would come up. Dave had asked earlier, too--but he'd let Minato off with a generous "bad question?", which was kindness Minato wasn't expecting when he's been hiding things from his friends all this time.

Dextera, too, is so gentle about it, and Minato wonders when he's going to have to come clean about everything. Surely it's not such a big deal while he's breathing and his heart is beating here?

... But even so, he feels so reluctant. It's been nice, but Minato knows better than anyone that nothing can last forever.]

I think that's a nice prayer. I'll wish for it too, then. I hope we're able to grow together while we're here.

[And after a deliberating pause, before he hits send, he adds in:]

Sorry for being selfish about that. I promise that when I'm ready, I'll tell you more too. [It's only fair, since Dextera has shared so much with him, and Minato has no talent for lying or hiding things. When it's out in the open like this, he has to acknowledge it.]

It isn’t selfish. I kept things inside for a long time, too. There are still secrets that I feel like I need to hold onto. So I understand.

[ for all that dextera seems so lost with himself sometimes, he isn’t completely empty—he won’t make minato talk, when he understands the importance of speaking only when one is ready, under one’s chosen circumstances. being forced to explain his world to so many people when he never wanted them to see that side of him was a painful shock. ]

[Dextera might understand, but doesn't that just mean Dextera's an understanding person? Minato knows it's still selfish, especially when everyone else is dealing with such massive, towering problems. When it was a choice Minato himself made, and one he's come to terms with already.]

I guess some things are harder to talk about than I expected. It's funny, but I guess it's only human to have to deal with things like this sometimes.

[It's funny because he thought coming to terms with something meant he could talk about it freely--but it turns out feelings aren't quite that simple.

He's still human, right? Still alive, still breathing, still trying to navigate life as best he can--for as long as his heart beats.]

Thanks, though. I appreciate your understanding.

You know my voice doesn’t work. If you ever need someone to keep a secret, I volunteer myself.

[ there was something that ryoji taught him, but he’s fallen out of the habit of using it, so a moment later, he amends this statement with the proper emoticon. ]

:)

[c....cute....]

I think you're a lot better at communicating than you give yourself credit for. Just having a voice isn't everything.

But I believe you. I'll be counting on you then. ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ [He has probably never actually made that expression in his life, but he likes the kaomoji anyway.]

Ha ha. How do you say that in Japanese? I feel like I should learn, after how many of you seem to be from there.

[ he can’t marry guren if he doesn’t know the language, after all… ]

[Dextera's thinking of the future here.]

You want to learn? That's fine by me. I don't mind teaching you some.

Still... that probably has to be done in person, because I'm already typing in Japanese. [Magic translators: weird.

He's reminded often of this, but when he sits down and realizes that he needs to share the phrase with Dextera deliberately because otherwise it's somehow translated already, it's...Weird.]

Oh, really?

I guess that’s not strange. I tried to translate something recently and I had to be very conscious about it.

Do you know any other languages, Minato?

Only a little bit of English, but I wouldn't really say I'm fluent in it.

What about you? What were you trying to translate?

Ryo let me borrow a Bible, so I was helping him figure some things out.

I think I used to work in Hebrew a lot. I’m glad I didn’t lose my ability to speak it.

[A Bible...? Hebrew? Phew, that is some intense stuff from his perspective.]

I didn't realize, but that's very impressive.

[But angels...and now the Bible...?]

Are you religious?

[HA. If only Minato knew.]

[ haha……………… ]

I believe in God, yes. I was part of a religious order back home.

[ of course, now that minato has seen “home,” isn’t that kind of… ]

[..... Back home? Yeah, isn't that kind of.........]

What sort of religious order?

[He doesn't usually just come on out and ask so bluntly, especially for Dextera, but he can't help it. Considering the sorts of "religious orders" he knows of when things start to go to hell in Iwatodai.... and knowing what he knows of Dextera's world--]

[ well, it’s a doomsday cult, so there’s that.

he takes minato’s question as honest curiosity, though it’s probably for the best that he’s not the type to proselytize. ]

Our mission statement is to protect God.

I used to be someone important within the Order, but things have changed a lot since the last thing I remember. We—or they, if you like—are still active, and they protect the people who are still around.

[hey, bad]

Why do you need to protect God? Or...why does someone need to?

She isn’t well. I think that’s the kindest way to put it.

[He thinks back to Nyx, to Erebus, and he wonders what a god who "isn't well" looks like.]

What do you mean? I didn't think gods could get sick.

We aren’t that different. God couldn’t create sickness or pain if she didn’t understand it.

I’m sorry for talking about something difficult so suddenly. It’s been on my mind, ever since those portals were open.

You don't have to be sorry. I'm glad I can listen, even though I'm sorry too that I don't think I understand very well.

[........And he adds, at the end, and hits send before he can think better of it:]

My experiences with gods and goddesses wasn't really like that at all.

[ … ]

Your experiences?

Then again, it wasn't really their fault. They were just acting on what they believed humanity wanted.

Still, there's something very...absolute about gods. That's a little difficult for me to accept.

[Humanity made some mistakes, and Nyx in response was going to remove all of their wills to live. Maybe it was humanity's fault at base, but that level of response just doesn't seem fair to him. Gods don't understand humanity--at least, not from what he knows.]

Still, things are different across worlds, right? Everyone's experiences are different. That's something I need to try to remember on a topic like this too.

[ dextera has never heard minato speak like this. he’s always been kind and patient and understanding, and he said as much initially—but it feels like there’s some frustration in these words, even if they’re just text on a screen. ]

I think your gods and my God are very different.

I don’t know if we have better or worse experiences, and I’m not sure there’s a clear answer for that anyway.

The God I know can’t help herself. She’s suffering, and we’re suffering in turn. She isn’t punishing us or trying to help us. It’s that she only knows how to hurt.

I can’t begrudge even a god for not understanding.

[... Ha. In this, Minato thinks... Dextera is a much more understanding person. Which is impressive, in its own way. He doesn't know anything about that cult Dex was a part of, but if he applies his own beliefs and feelings to Dextera's experiences, that's not right either.

He knows that.

But even still... it's difficult for him to think of Nyx and her cold, towering impartiality, as Ryoji practically begged them to stop trying to protect themselves for a brief moment longer, and knows that he can't so easily empathize.]

I guess I still have a lot to learn from you on stuff like this, Dextera-san. [And he can't admit to understanding just yet, but... Maybe someday he will.]

It sounds like you care about her a lot, though.

[ the problem with all this is that no matter how confidently he types it, his head is still a mess. there are so many things he doesn’t know and even more that he’s learning he doesn’t understand at all…

dextera is just speaking his feelings in the moment. ]

Yes. I treasure her.

She’s a little bit like my brother. She’s someone I want to be close to. Maybe it’s more selfish than just being pious.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject