messianic | IC

[... Oh? This is a surprisingly peaceful message to receive, honestly, amongst all of the craziness of recovering from the Sirens and trying to make sure everyone's alright.

Dextera's honest feelings, is it...?]

Of course, Dextera-san. However you feel comfortable sharing is fine with me.

[ dextera normally wouldn’t mind saying these things face-to-face, but the fact is that it’s difficult to express himself as accurately as he’d like to when he’s not completely fluent with his signs. ]

I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said to me, when you saw my home and heard my story. I know it must have been a shock, and I wouldn’t have blamed you for ending our friendship there… but you didn’t. That amazed me, and I felt more sure than ever that you were a truly kind person.

I feel lucky to have met you, Minato. I don’t think “lucky” does it justice. Someone like me doesn’t deserve all the patience and understanding that you’ve shown me, but somehow I consistently receive it.

I don’t mean to make this about me. I just wanted to… emphasize that I think the person you are is special. The kindness that you show toward others isn’t like anything else I’ve ever known, and I want to be a better person so that those feelings aren’t wasted.

You’re my friend, Minato, but you also make me want to atone so that I deserve to stand alongside you as your friend, too.

[... Oh.

It isn't as though Minato had expected Dextera's feelings to be negative or anything--he's usually pretty good at having a solid read on his friends and how they're feeling, since the past year was a crash course in that...but he still wasn't expecting this.

The response takes a little bit to come, because Minato... is stunned. It's not that he never had that appreciation for his company or friendship expressed either; all of his friends and team had done so in their own way, the way that suited them best, and he'd understood even when it was obscure.

But this is... ("Special"? He makes Dextera want to be a better person? In moments like this, Minato feels the strangest pang in his heart, and feels like he's not...ready to be done living, not at all, not yet.)]

Thank you. Honestly, thank you. [He's overwhelmed, and it feels like typed words just aren't enough to get his feelings across...but he has to try.]

I don't know if I really have the words for how much your feelings mean to me, but thank you for sharing them with me. It might sound a little strange, but they actually give me a lot of hope. [That maybe, just maybe, it's okay for him to want to be here just a little bit longer.]

I'm really glad we're friends, Dextera. You know I already think you deserve so much, but...if you want to strive for more, I'll support you in that too. It would make me really happy to be able to.

[To stay with Dextera, to stand by his side, to be there for him in whatever way he can--and maybe, in a more selfish sense... to be able to have a more solid purpose here too.]

[ dextera can’t know all that his words have given minato, and he would probably feel embarrassed if he did—like he’s still not worth enough, to have that kind of effect on someone. hearing “thank you” is more than he could have asked for.

it feels like so many of their conversations turn this way, but is that a bad thing? he doesn’t think so. ]

“Hope” is something I’m still learning. People like you have taught it to me.

I think the thing to say here… would be a prayer to grow together. One day, I hope that you’ll be able to tell me more about who you are.

[ it hasn’t escaped his notice, after all, that minato is reticent with words about himself. ]

[...Aha. Well. He supposes it's only to be expected that eventually, this sort of thing would come up. Dave had asked earlier, too--but he'd let Minato off with a generous "bad question?", which was kindness Minato wasn't expecting when he's been hiding things from his friends all this time.

Dextera, too, is so gentle about it, and Minato wonders when he's going to have to come clean about everything. Surely it's not such a big deal while he's breathing and his heart is beating here?

... But even so, he feels so reluctant. It's been nice, but Minato knows better than anyone that nothing can last forever.]

I think that's a nice prayer. I'll wish for it too, then. I hope we're able to grow together while we're here.

[And after a deliberating pause, before he hits send, he adds in:]

Sorry for being selfish about that. I promise that when I'm ready, I'll tell you more too. [It's only fair, since Dextera has shared so much with him, and Minato has no talent for lying or hiding things. When it's out in the open like this, he has to acknowledge it.]

It isn’t selfish. I kept things inside for a long time, too. There are still secrets that I feel like I need to hold onto. So I understand.

[ for all that dextera seems so lost with himself sometimes, he isn’t completely empty—he won’t make minato talk, when he understands the importance of speaking only when one is ready, under one’s chosen circumstances. being forced to explain his world to so many people when he never wanted them to see that side of him was a painful shock. ]

[Dextera might understand, but doesn't that just mean Dextera's an understanding person? Minato knows it's still selfish, especially when everyone else is dealing with such massive, towering problems. When it was a choice Minato himself made, and one he's come to terms with already.]

I guess some things are harder to talk about than I expected. It's funny, but I guess it's only human to have to deal with things like this sometimes.

[It's funny because he thought coming to terms with something meant he could talk about it freely--but it turns out feelings aren't quite that simple.

He's still human, right? Still alive, still breathing, still trying to navigate life as best he can--for as long as his heart beats.]

Thanks, though. I appreciate your understanding.

You know my voice doesn’t work. If you ever need someone to keep a secret, I volunteer myself.

[ there was something that ryoji taught him, but he’s fallen out of the habit of using it, so a moment later, he amends this statement with the proper emoticon. ]

:)

[c....cute....]

I think you're a lot better at communicating than you give yourself credit for. Just having a voice isn't everything.

But I believe you. I'll be counting on you then. ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ [He has probably never actually made that expression in his life, but he likes the kaomoji anyway.]

Ha ha. How do you say that in Japanese? I feel like I should learn, after how many of you seem to be from there.

[ he can’t marry guren if he doesn’t know the language, after all… ]

[Dextera's thinking of the future here.]

You want to learn? That's fine by me. I don't mind teaching you some.

Still... that probably has to be done in person, because I'm already typing in Japanese. [Magic translators: weird.

He's reminded often of this, but when he sits down and realizes that he needs to share the phrase with Dextera deliberately because otherwise it's somehow translated already, it's...Weird.]

Oh, really?

I guess that’s not strange. I tried to translate something recently and I had to be very conscious about it.

Do you know any other languages, Minato?

Only a little bit of English, but I wouldn't really say I'm fluent in it.

What about you? What were you trying to translate?

Ryo let me borrow a Bible, so I was helping him figure some things out.

I think I used to work in Hebrew a lot. I’m glad I didn’t lose my ability to speak it.

[A Bible...? Hebrew? Phew, that is some intense stuff from his perspective.]

I didn't realize, but that's very impressive.

[But angels...and now the Bible...?]

Are you religious?

[HA. If only Minato knew.]

[ haha……………… ]

I believe in God, yes. I was part of a religious order back home.

[ of course, now that minato has seen “home,” isn’t that kind of… ]

[..... Back home? Yeah, isn't that kind of.........]

What sort of religious order?

[He doesn't usually just come on out and ask so bluntly, especially for Dextera, but he can't help it. Considering the sorts of "religious orders" he knows of when things start to go to hell in Iwatodai.... and knowing what he knows of Dextera's world--]

[ well, it’s a doomsday cult, so there’s that.

he takes minato’s question as honest curiosity, though it’s probably for the best that he’s not the type to proselytize. ]

Our mission statement is to protect God.

I used to be someone important within the Order, but things have changed a lot since the last thing I remember. We—or they, if you like—are still active, and they protect the people who are still around.

[hey, bad]

Why do you need to protect God? Or...why does someone need to?

She isn’t well. I think that’s the kindest way to put it.

[He thinks back to Nyx, to Erebus, and he wonders what a god who "isn't well" looks like.]

What do you mean? I didn't think gods could get sick.

We aren’t that different. God couldn’t create sickness or pain if she didn’t understand it.

I’m sorry for talking about something difficult so suddenly. It’s been on my mind, ever since those portals were open.

You don't have to be sorry. I'm glad I can listen, even though I'm sorry too that I don't think I understand very well.

[........And he adds, at the end, and hits send before he can think better of it:]

My experiences with gods and goddesses wasn't really like that at all.

[ … ]

Your experiences?

Then again, it wasn't really their fault. They were just acting on what they believed humanity wanted.

Still, there's something very...absolute about gods. That's a little difficult for me to accept.

[Humanity made some mistakes, and Nyx in response was going to remove all of their wills to live. Maybe it was humanity's fault at base, but that level of response just doesn't seem fair to him. Gods don't understand humanity--at least, not from what he knows.]

Still, things are different across worlds, right? Everyone's experiences are different. That's something I need to try to remember on a topic like this too.

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